I speak, of course, of the most enduring mystery of the universe since the dawn of existence: stage times. Under my progressive reign, it will soon become law for all artists, promoters and venues – all of them – to advertise stage times for gigs 48 hours in advance. Lately there’s been a delightful trend in London to stage productions so concise that they don’t require an interval. I can proudly say I’ve won every colour of medal in the Aisle Seat to Ladies’ Room Interval Sprint. Stress instead about the penalties for noncompliance with my imminent Stage Times Transparency Act – because things are about to change around here.
